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Things BP Should Have Done To Stop The Gulf Oil Leak

  • As the oil appears to be drying up in the Gulf, the oil on my face seems to be getting thicker as I just spotted a new pimple today. I blame BP.

    In no particular order, here are some solutions to the oil leak BP missed.



    Shove the corpse of the fired BP executive into the well to stop the leak.

    Oh yes, there is more…

    Create a new species of giant octopus that eats oil, and let him cover the oil leak with his mouth and have him suck up all the oil. Yum!

    Funnel the oil down to hell so we can heat the earth when nuclear winter finally arrives during WW III.

    Ask Pizza Hut to stop dumping their unsold pizzas into the ocean

    Put a giant bandaid on the Earth’s gaping wound and sing Kumbayah while we watch images of birds on television covered in oil

    That’s my advice BP next time you screw up, take it, or leave it.

    -The G Man

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