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    Sci Tech

10 reasons not to be on Facebook right now

Now that Facebook is going mega ultra corporate with an IPO on the stock market, now is the best time to get out!

Let’s get right to it.

Did you know Facebook is going to have investors now that will pump enormous amounts of money into the company and don’t give a flying hoot about you or your privacy? Well my friend, there’s no better time than now to jump ship.

Let’s begin.

#10 It’s too much work

Think about how much of your precious time and energy it takes to find a picture, post it, make sure it looks good, and write a witty caption. Too much. Let’s simplify things and just have our phones snap a picture of us every second and automatically upload it.

Even when we are doing mundane things, like going to the DMV, or having a severe bout of some rare sub-tropical intestinal disorder.

That should make things more interesting. That’s a new app idea for you. You can have it after you pry it from my cold dead fingers.

# 9 Because it’s going to make Mark Zuckerberg even more money

Face it, we hate seeing other people succeed. We’d rather see their whole hopes and dreams come crashing down. We’d rather destroy our own lives than see someone else’s get better.

While Zucker will be on his own personal island getting his feet massaged, we’ll all be figuring out how to operate the newest version of the Facebook interface and figuring out how to get our personal identity back from hackers.

Which leads us to our next reason…

#8 The bigger they come, the harder they fall

I shouldn’t have to mention this. As companies get bigger and more complex, there always seems to be some hacker or disgruntled employee that wants to burn the world down and get revenge.

Don’t think it could happen to you? Think again.

Zucker is going to "Zuck" you for all you have.

Zucker is going to "Zuck" you for all you have.

#7 It’s just not fun anymore

Remember the good old days of Facebook when you logged on and had like 3 friends and kept trying to figure out how it worked. Ahh…kinda like NEXTGEN FM’s fan page…er….moving on!

Remember being able to post that drunken picture of yourself at the nightclub dancing with someone’s underwear on your head without having your boss looking you up and destroying your life?

#6 High schoolers

Those were the days when your little sibling in middle school couldn’t see who you currently had a crush on and then brings it up at the dinner table for your parents to talk about.


Now, to our next point.

#5 What happened to quality control?

I think this has to stop. Not everyone should be allowed on. Since when is it your “right” to be on Facebook and post all of your mundane boring interests for all the world to see.

We need to set some certain level or standard so that everyone’s Facebook page is full of entertainment and worth seeing.

#4 You will be forced to make friends with Facebook’s mega conglomerate friends

Yeah, you’ll be forced by the new user agreement to sponsor and have Kraxo Chemical Corporation show up in your friends list.

If you don’t like it, there is always Google.

#3 Big Brother is going to friend you

Yes, just wait for the first terrorist attack to hit Facebook. You won’t be able to get on for weeks after someone posts an offensive picture of some deity with a Donald Duck head.

Prepare to have the IRS scan your Facebook page.

#2 Freedom to post whatever you want will be gone

You know that post about that product or store you hate so much? Well my friend, there just might be a conflict of interest between a Facebook investor and your thoughts on why the Cheesecake Factory has not just been doing it for you lately.

Say bye bye to freedom of the Facebook press. The post police will be scouring your wall soon.

#1 The advertising will get worse…much worse.

As if you didn’t see this one coming?

It’s all about your money! They want it all! Prepare to have advertisements every time you upload a photo, even when you just log in, you will have a huge ad plastered on your face.

If history has taught us anything, it is that companies who want to make a profit want to keep making more and more money, which means more ads, more annoying people, and less fun.

Have a good day. We’ll see you on Facebook.

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